blown face

Its so amazing that you can be having such a great day and then a bunch of things happen that completely blow you. I mean they just take all that calmness and just toss it down the drain. Its just a reckless decision to walk through life thinking shit won't hit the fan and life wont slap you in the face... all that will do is leave you with a blown face...

and for those of you who don't know what blown face means... urbandictionary.com it...

the truth untold....C.Mone`

designer labels

I was sitting down earlier this morning thinking about my new Louis Vuitton belt. I usually am not a Louie fan but the belt was cute. Im more of a Coach girl myself. However, when thinking of this I flashed back to a conversation I had with someone that use to be my friend about brand name or designer bags.The conversation should have let me know that we just weren't meant to be friends we viewed life so differently; but thats another story for another blog. Anyway the two of us went to Dillards (sort of like a Norstroms in Virginia) one day with her mom, of course like the girls we are we had to stop and look at pocketbooks (purses, sorry I'm a bit country at times). I quietly watched her and her mom look at bags that I personally thought were hideous. When they asked me what I thought of this one Dooney and Burke I had to tell, and this is in my exact words," I don't like it I don't like clothes or bags with the designers name all over it I mean it's not necessary. If I wear a Coach bag having "C's" all across it doesn't make it more fashionable or prettier than the Coach bag without it... after all its still a Coach."

Well that is when I was proposed the question, " What's the point of wearing a designer label if no one knows?".

I was baffled, in my world where I know not everyone has the pleasure to reside, you wear and do things that please yourself not to show off, upstage, or fit in with someone else. As I stood there looking at these two, and since I know them very well I can call them this, superficial women;I was in amazement. This woman old enough to be my mother had determined her wealth, success, and worth based off the perception she is able to give others about who she is and had successfully taught her daughter to do the same.

I understand that if your spending 300 dollars on a bag 150 on jeans you want them to be noticable to look perfect, however to say your only buying something so that others can see it is silly.

So the answer to the question I was asked by these women is... because it doesnt matter what people think you wear what you want, when you want, however you want, for yourself not to impress someone else.

It takes money to buy designer labels when ever you want. But, it takes confidence in your self, and knowledge of yourself to rock the label, and not have it rock you.


the truth ... untold C.Mone`

life expected

life is not a TV show... and that's the problem.. there is no script no happy ending.. its not a box a chocolate like Forrest gump believes and if it can be compared to a box of chocolates its not because you never know what you're going to get but because you know all the options you can receive and 9 times of 10 its something you don't want


C.Mone`... the untold truth

If I cant make me happy

Last night I made a facebook status that is causing some who are close to me to question the words and feelings I have. My facebook status simply said..."... I sit here loveless". It was true I do sit here loveless and very often unhappy. Its not something that I want to be.. loveless.. I mean no one wants to be without love, but nevertheless often thats where I find myself.

I guy I've been somewhat involved with asked me why I felt that way. He told me that i resist allowing him to treat me right and love me and care for me. That may be true, its not that I resist love I welcome it and I want it from the right person.

However, what is most important to me is that I love and make myself happy. Its true someone could come along and be wonderful... shower me with love and affection and make me so happy. That could be great, but the problem with waiting for someone else to make me happy is that well ...someone else is making me happy. If I sit and allow my happiness to make me happy, then my happiness is solely invested in that one person, and is at their whim. That would be aweful, because honestly if they leave what will I have? ... Well that's easy I wouldn't have anything.

A person has to make themselves happy before they can truely be happy with someone else, because if you can't make yourself happy then you'll never truely be happy. You'll always be afraid of losing them because with them will go your happiness. And when you live your life afraid of losing someone because it will result in losing who you think you are, thats no life to live and infact is much more dangerous than simply.. not being happy..


the untold truth...C.Mone`

Alone

It's Friday night well technically Sunday morning, and I'm sitting here wondering why am I here alone. I have officially been back home from attending school in Virginia for a year now,and I still don't know anyone here.I find that my life has become a victim of contentment and redundancy. I am either one of three places, school, home, or work. Its so BORING!!!! This is not how a beautiful, intelligent, classy twenty year old such as myself should be spending her time. I want to meet people, go places; I want to enjoy these youthful unforgetful years that I am in.

It's not just not having a boyfriend to take me out and give me the time of my life,
I'm also without the friends who understand and care for me through everything. Its about feeling like you have no support system no friends. I'm a talkative person, but its hard for me to meet people because new situations and myself just don't mix.

I don't make resolutions I think they are silly and pointless because they are never followed through but I will make a promise to myself. This year I will get out there and meet people, put myself into new situations and become a more fulfilled satisfied person.

the unspoken truth.. C.Mone`

letter from the past

its funny today i was going through my things doing a much needed cleaning of my room and i stumbled across a letter i'd been saving. it was a suprise because i didnt even know i had been saving it... i opened it and quietly read it to myself.. it wasnt even a letter i had received it was a letter i had written to an ex of mine..

i met him when i was 15.. we had stayed together a few months but i was so in love. i had told myself he was an amazing man... the lies we unknownly tell ourselves when we are young are absolutely amazing. he and i still talk but i no longer feel so attached to him as i once did when i wrote that letter i didnt dare mail to him.. i do that quite often write my feelings in a letter and never send it.

i suppose thats best because having it be five years later i shutter at the thought of having had sent this boy a letter professing how no matter what i would still love him and im so greatful that we still remained friends. smh.. i shutter because for the life of me i can not fathom what it was i could have possibly been thinking.. it wasnt love.. just pure infatuation... i mean sure i cared for him still do..but i dare not think to say that it is true love that i felt or still feel for him to day... just a mere molecule of heart ... i have a heart and thus i care.. although you could say it would simply be easier to pretend it didnt exist and not care for him at all. but since i cant do that i do care for him to a certain extent.

yet for some odd reason when i read that letter..like i had done so many times before.. i had a reaction unlike one id had while reading it before.. i simply didnt care.. it wasnt that i didnt care for him but rather i didnt care to dwell on the "love" i once had for him.. i didnt want to keep forever the memory of once loving someone and then feeling the pain of that love ... so i tore it up..

i tore up the letter. for the first time in five years after reading that letter.. i simply folded it back up and ripped it to shreds.. my heart didnt choke at the thought of losing it.. my eyes didnt water from remembering what i once had... i simply ripped it up walked into the kitchen.. and threw it in the trash...

then i walked back in my room and smiled.. its always a good day..when u say good bye to the heartache of yesterday... and hello to the beauty of tomorrow.

C.Mone`.. the real story told

tears

tears lose meaning when what your crying about cant be changed..

C.Mone` .. the real truth

perfect fit

I was watching the tampax commercial today and the woman was having a dream about shoes growing on trees. This made me think and I realized even if shoes growed on trees my size would probably be like one of the rarest fruits. In which case I would still have the hardest time finding my size.

C.Mone...the untold truth

pathway to love

If only when we were born GOD gave us a map to mark our path to true love...
But I suppose that would be to easy..

C.Mone`.. the truth.. untold

girlsations....

girl: idk why they even bother to get the number if they going to act like that

Me: they love the chase. problem is they don't know what to do when the chase is up



C.Mone... truth untold

my words to a friend

if u mad at the world fuck it but always remember when fucking someone else never screw yourself

C.Mone.. truth.. untold

death chasers

Surprise..Surprise AIDS is a deadly disease. I know what your thinking that's not surprising we all know this, its been told to us in health education classes, during every AIDS prevention commercial, and public service announcement for many many years now. But what is a surprise is that even though its a deadly disease there are people out there chasing it like a high that will never end but only get worse. While reading Karrine Steffans' novel The Vixen Diaries I read about Barebacking parties or "conversion" parties. To be honest I found these parties revolting.

Let me explain these barebacking parties are where non infected gay males come in an attempt to catch AIDS or HIV from an infected gay male. They refer to this dangerous disease as "the gift"...my question is what type of gift is that, you certainly can't return it to the store if it turns out you don't enjoy it as much as you once thought you would.

The truth is what value do these "bug chasers" put on their lives? What would make you possibly believe that trying to contract a disease that so many wish they never came in contact with would be a wise idea. The answer to that I don't know, what I do know tho is that your trying to do something that's willingly putting your life at risk with little regard for what is to come after it.

So for these reasons I must ask, why do you want to die, and I deem you know more than a DEATH CHASER.

C.Mone...the truth untold

Housewives?... are you really?

So I'm sitting here watching Real Housewives of Orange County and they are introducing the newest housewife who is taking Jeana's place. Now, don't get me wrong I love these shows seeing how the other side lives.. the ups the downs and the in-betweens. But I must admit that watching these shows really allows me to find flaws and things that need to be improved in people through out their circle.

For example, the new housewife stated that she was a stay at home mom and want to be the best mom possible. Now this wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't followed by " we have two nannies". Maybe its me but why exactly do you need two nannies if you stay home and DO NOT work.
This is a flaw in logically thinking to me and quite frankly since I am very finance oriented.. it is a WASTE of money.. whether you have it to spend or not.

My question is what exactly is a housewive.. is it not working and not watching the kids...can you be a housewive if you don't have kids.. can you be a housewive if your never home.. or if you have a job?.. I ponder these things

Just a random thought


C.Mone..truth... untold

givng to much of myself

" I often find that I want to give too much of myself - a self who is still underdeveloped and isn't finished setting anchors in the tide." --Karrine Steffans

I must agree with Miss. Steffans, she is not alone in this feeling and for the most part she never will be. I too have done the same thing. I think however, that it takes a certain type of person to become this way and although having the ablity to care and love without boundary can be a blessing it is most certainly a curse. Love it self can be like air... when you have it you can breathe and everything is right, however when you don't nothing is right.

I can't speak for everyone only myself , but I find at times when it comes to love I wouldn't say that I was dumb..but I would say I could do too much. Sometimes your so deep into a situation that you don't even see what's going on around you, you don't see that your putting in all you have to give plus some and your not getting nearly half of that back.

Honestly, when your not even who you want or need to be yet that is a dangerous road to start walking down. Your going to end up giving so much to someone you don't have anything left for yourself...

C.Mone... the truth untold.....

days like today

its days like today when i sit here alone.. watching movies that i realize..
although i don't need a boyfriend, or friend that just so happens to be a boy.. it sure would be nice to have someone to make me coco and cuddle with..

C.Mone`....my truth

history

"history is written by those who hang heros"---- brave heart

a look in the mirror

Today I was walking into the bathroom and caught a glimse of myself. I had to stop, I stared in the mirror and had to say " I love you"...at the end of the day if I don't love me then who else will?

the truth..untold...C.Mone`

lies arent as easy as they seem

It takes way too much energy for someone to pretend to be someone that they aren't...sooner or later they won't be able to keep up the lie.
Its at that moment that you'll see who they really are.

You can paint a white horse with black stripes and call it a zebra... but as soon as it rains..its a horse again..

the truth..untold..C.Mone`

Release the Pain and Live

There comes a point in your life were you have to let go. I'm not saying forget, I'm saying let go of the things in your life that are preventing your own happiness. Sometimes we are the biggest obstacle in our own lives. Often times we become perpetual hoarders of negatively. Collectors of tragedy.

In many cases we keep individuals in our lives that do nothing but pull us down. They act as succubus, draining our spirit, adding poison to our soul, degrading our bodies, and bringing emptiness into our homes. Yet for some reason those are the very people we have such a very hard time letting go of. In fact you become so accustom to the negativity you depend on it you crave and need the loss of esteem, and degradation that comes along with.

You can be no better than a crack fiend or a heroin addict who allows a poison or evil to come into your life and control your every action. However, your drug of choice is pain. You keep people around who cause you pain, you attract people and situations who are harmful in a multitude of ways.

But this is no way to live it isn't healthy. Your slowly allowing pain, unnecessary pain to kill you. You must remember the cause, release the pain, and LIVE...

the untold truth...C.Mone`

my take on the one night stand

Those who know me know I'm am so nosy... I cant help it I get it from my grandmother. anyway.. I sat in my business and commerce class today when I heard the most upsurd random thing to be said aloud while someone is waiting for a class to begin.

woman: yea friday night ! came home at 7 after happy hour I  passed out on the bed my daughter came to check on me but I wouldn't budge.

man: why'd you pass out?

woman:well I went out cuz I'd been sick for a few weeks and I'd hadnt been feeling to good.

man: You know what a week ago I had a one night stand I was talking to this girl she said she
hadn't been feeling to good she was always tired, sore throat, headache, so I said cool well
lets go back to your place...and you know what like the next day I started having all of her
symptoms.


In my head I said you idiot... I hope you like death because... you've just got AIDS... first why is it cool to have a one night stand..this is where the term dirty p***s comes from, secondly if someone told me they came to the bar and was sick I would definitely turn and walk the other way it is certainly a time when swine flu is taking over i don't know about you but I cant take time off work I like money and have an adversion to things that keep me from making it... so next time if you think bout having a one night stand do the following check list:

1. do I value life
2. is this person clean
3. would my mother approve
4.how can this affect my money


the truth untold....C.Mone`