If I cant make me happy

Last night I made a facebook status that is causing some who are close to me to question the words and feelings I have. My facebook status simply said..."... I sit here loveless". It was true I do sit here loveless and very often unhappy. Its not something that I want to be.. loveless.. I mean no one wants to be without love, but nevertheless often thats where I find myself.

I guy I've been somewhat involved with asked me why I felt that way. He told me that i resist allowing him to treat me right and love me and care for me. That may be true, its not that I resist love I welcome it and I want it from the right person.

However, what is most important to me is that I love and make myself happy. Its true someone could come along and be wonderful... shower me with love and affection and make me so happy. That could be great, but the problem with waiting for someone else to make me happy is that well ...someone else is making me happy. If I sit and allow my happiness to make me happy, then my happiness is solely invested in that one person, and is at their whim. That would be aweful, because honestly if they leave what will I have? ... Well that's easy I wouldn't have anything.

A person has to make themselves happy before they can truely be happy with someone else, because if you can't make yourself happy then you'll never truely be happy. You'll always be afraid of losing them because with them will go your happiness. And when you live your life afraid of losing someone because it will result in losing who you think you are, thats no life to live and infact is much more dangerous than simply.. not being happy..


the untold truth...C.Mone`

Alone

It's Friday night well technically Sunday morning, and I'm sitting here wondering why am I here alone. I have officially been back home from attending school in Virginia for a year now,and I still don't know anyone here.I find that my life has become a victim of contentment and redundancy. I am either one of three places, school, home, or work. Its so BORING!!!! This is not how a beautiful, intelligent, classy twenty year old such as myself should be spending her time. I want to meet people, go places; I want to enjoy these youthful unforgetful years that I am in.

It's not just not having a boyfriend to take me out and give me the time of my life,
I'm also without the friends who understand and care for me through everything. Its about feeling like you have no support system no friends. I'm a talkative person, but its hard for me to meet people because new situations and myself just don't mix.

I don't make resolutions I think they are silly and pointless because they are never followed through but I will make a promise to myself. This year I will get out there and meet people, put myself into new situations and become a more fulfilled satisfied person.

the unspoken truth.. C.Mone`