letter from the past

its funny today i was going through my things doing a much needed cleaning of my room and i stumbled across a letter i'd been saving. it was a suprise because i didnt even know i had been saving it... i opened it and quietly read it to myself.. it wasnt even a letter i had received it was a letter i had written to an ex of mine..

i met him when i was 15.. we had stayed together a few months but i was so in love. i had told myself he was an amazing man... the lies we unknownly tell ourselves when we are young are absolutely amazing. he and i still talk but i no longer feel so attached to him as i once did when i wrote that letter i didnt dare mail to him.. i do that quite often write my feelings in a letter and never send it.

i suppose thats best because having it be five years later i shutter at the thought of having had sent this boy a letter professing how no matter what i would still love him and im so greatful that we still remained friends. smh.. i shutter because for the life of me i can not fathom what it was i could have possibly been thinking.. it wasnt love.. just pure infatuation... i mean sure i cared for him still do..but i dare not think to say that it is true love that i felt or still feel for him to day... just a mere molecule of heart ... i have a heart and thus i care.. although you could say it would simply be easier to pretend it didnt exist and not care for him at all. but since i cant do that i do care for him to a certain extent.

yet for some odd reason when i read that letter..like i had done so many times before.. i had a reaction unlike one id had while reading it before.. i simply didnt care.. it wasnt that i didnt care for him but rather i didnt care to dwell on the "love" i once had for him.. i didnt want to keep forever the memory of once loving someone and then feeling the pain of that love ... so i tore it up..

i tore up the letter. for the first time in five years after reading that letter.. i simply folded it back up and ripped it to shreds.. my heart didnt choke at the thought of losing it.. my eyes didnt water from remembering what i once had... i simply ripped it up walked into the kitchen.. and threw it in the trash...

then i walked back in my room and smiled.. its always a good day..when u say good bye to the heartache of yesterday... and hello to the beauty of tomorrow.

C.Mone`.. the real story told