If I cant make me happy

Last night I made a facebook status that is causing some who are close to me to question the words and feelings I have. My facebook status simply said..."... I sit here loveless". It was true I do sit here loveless and very often unhappy. Its not something that I want to be.. loveless.. I mean no one wants to be without love, but nevertheless often thats where I find myself.

I guy I've been somewhat involved with asked me why I felt that way. He told me that i resist allowing him to treat me right and love me and care for me. That may be true, its not that I resist love I welcome it and I want it from the right person.

However, what is most important to me is that I love and make myself happy. Its true someone could come along and be wonderful... shower me with love and affection and make me so happy. That could be great, but the problem with waiting for someone else to make me happy is that well ...someone else is making me happy. If I sit and allow my happiness to make me happy, then my happiness is solely invested in that one person, and is at their whim. That would be aweful, because honestly if they leave what will I have? ... Well that's easy I wouldn't have anything.

A person has to make themselves happy before they can truely be happy with someone else, because if you can't make yourself happy then you'll never truely be happy. You'll always be afraid of losing them because with them will go your happiness. And when you live your life afraid of losing someone because it will result in losing who you think you are, thats no life to live and infact is much more dangerous than simply.. not being happy..


the untold truth...C.Mone`

Alone

It's Friday night well technically Sunday morning, and I'm sitting here wondering why am I here alone. I have officially been back home from attending school in Virginia for a year now,and I still don't know anyone here.I find that my life has become a victim of contentment and redundancy. I am either one of three places, school, home, or work. Its so BORING!!!! This is not how a beautiful, intelligent, classy twenty year old such as myself should be spending her time. I want to meet people, go places; I want to enjoy these youthful unforgetful years that I am in.

It's not just not having a boyfriend to take me out and give me the time of my life,
I'm also without the friends who understand and care for me through everything. Its about feeling like you have no support system no friends. I'm a talkative person, but its hard for me to meet people because new situations and myself just don't mix.

I don't make resolutions I think they are silly and pointless because they are never followed through but I will make a promise to myself. This year I will get out there and meet people, put myself into new situations and become a more fulfilled satisfied person.

the unspoken truth.. C.Mone`

letter from the past

its funny today i was going through my things doing a much needed cleaning of my room and i stumbled across a letter i'd been saving. it was a suprise because i didnt even know i had been saving it... i opened it and quietly read it to myself.. it wasnt even a letter i had received it was a letter i had written to an ex of mine..

i met him when i was 15.. we had stayed together a few months but i was so in love. i had told myself he was an amazing man... the lies we unknownly tell ourselves when we are young are absolutely amazing. he and i still talk but i no longer feel so attached to him as i once did when i wrote that letter i didnt dare mail to him.. i do that quite often write my feelings in a letter and never send it.

i suppose thats best because having it be five years later i shutter at the thought of having had sent this boy a letter professing how no matter what i would still love him and im so greatful that we still remained friends. smh.. i shutter because for the life of me i can not fathom what it was i could have possibly been thinking.. it wasnt love.. just pure infatuation... i mean sure i cared for him still do..but i dare not think to say that it is true love that i felt or still feel for him to day... just a mere molecule of heart ... i have a heart and thus i care.. although you could say it would simply be easier to pretend it didnt exist and not care for him at all. but since i cant do that i do care for him to a certain extent.

yet for some odd reason when i read that letter..like i had done so many times before.. i had a reaction unlike one id had while reading it before.. i simply didnt care.. it wasnt that i didnt care for him but rather i didnt care to dwell on the "love" i once had for him.. i didnt want to keep forever the memory of once loving someone and then feeling the pain of that love ... so i tore it up..

i tore up the letter. for the first time in five years after reading that letter.. i simply folded it back up and ripped it to shreds.. my heart didnt choke at the thought of losing it.. my eyes didnt water from remembering what i once had... i simply ripped it up walked into the kitchen.. and threw it in the trash...

then i walked back in my room and smiled.. its always a good day..when u say good bye to the heartache of yesterday... and hello to the beauty of tomorrow.

C.Mone`.. the real story told

tears

tears lose meaning when what your crying about cant be changed..

C.Mone` .. the real truth

perfect fit

I was watching the tampax commercial today and the woman was having a dream about shoes growing on trees. This made me think and I realized even if shoes growed on trees my size would probably be like one of the rarest fruits. In which case I would still have the hardest time finding my size.

C.Mone...the untold truth

pathway to love

If only when we were born GOD gave us a map to mark our path to true love...
But I suppose that would be to easy..

C.Mone`.. the truth.. untold

girlsations....

girl: idk why they even bother to get the number if they going to act like that

Me: they love the chase. problem is they don't know what to do when the chase is up



C.Mone... truth untold